Father's Day special :Jun'21

Recently my post on Motherhood journey was published in Infosys Official LinkedIn Page. It was a special experience as my blogs (read thoughts) are totally private and hasn't been read by anyone. I don't read news, share my views on any socio political issues nor read other's views. So even writing an article for Infosys and getting it published was unique (Little did i know this was a branding technique by the company).When i wrote it and showed Sree just before Mother's Day this year, he suggested about publishing it in my FB page. Initially i was reluctant but later thought it would be a nice idea. Received lot of likes, encouragement and appreciation. However, some of Sree's friends commented that the article completely neglected the reference and contribution of the man who was very much part of the journey till this point ! 

Everyday i feel my motherhood has been a failure because i dont show any love to the children though they are everything to me ! All i do is cook some healthy stuff, yell at them to reduce chaos and bring in discipline, maintain cleanliness, put things back in place etc. Seeing how good a father Sree is makes only makes this feeling worse. He has been always calm and lovable. Be it letting them sleep until 8 or cooking up some tasty dishes or partnering for roller coaster rides or immersing in the beach or getting a light fixed or helping with studies or supporting them climb trees or buying that expensive gear cycle ,punching bag and what not ! As a mother , i cannot ask for more. I will always pray they remain close to him more than ever ! Be there for him with the same kind of love and care. Here's to a great Father's Day !

Sreetta 

Our fights have always been either about money or about kids. Post marriage when we were still young , we used to be very transparent to each other about income and expenditure but not anymore. It hit me hard when you said the financial "close door" was after our big fight over the construction of shop building which was constructed at Ullala when we were in US in spite of me telling not to. I cried thinking it would be a dead investment and money would be locked. I cried out of helplessness. I cried because you behaved like a totally different person then !

Back to motherhood post and the counter..

So when i got married or became a mother, i was too inexperienced to take up the huge responsibility which came with it. But i shouldered them in the best possible way. I took a backstep in career giving importance to you all because i was pre occupied with a lot of worries about the children. While i will not deny that you did take some responsibilities, i cannot say it was in any way to support the individual in "me". You never spent anytime to understand what i am going through post child birth or managing the little ones or my fears ,anxieties or insecurities. You didn't like my singing or my cooking and brushed my talents to the side as if they never existed . You never told me anything positive to boost my self confidence. Instead, when you watch me closely, i know a negative remark is coming. You are a necessity for me because i became over dependent on this "manly presence" in life and falling prey to the occasional hugs and love load. 

PS : My hypothesis from life is that a good father and son cannot be a great husband. The combination of all 3 is impossible. Your nature has changed a lot over the past 17 years i have known you. But Sreetta, whoever you are whatever you are to me, i cannot live without you.