A book in a long time...

"Echmukutty"..The author's autobiography. For me, reading a book completely (though in bits and pieces ) is a rare and great achievement. Last many years has been so busy with office and home that by the time i open any book, i am close to falling into a deep slumber. The last 3 months of leave from work was not very different .Tried some books from Ettan's cupboad. Anandakuttan was one of them but couldn't reach even half. Back in blr on Mar, i began reading echmukutty. It is a story of how a young woman falls prey to dirty men. Makes any woman hate herself if in that position. The sufferings she underwent is beyond my imagination , especially since the author is almost my generation or probably a few years elder. All men are portrayed mean, selfish and sexists except one who becomes her companion for rest of her life.

It takes a lot of courage and boldness to walk out of marriage - something you have build with trust, care and affection over many years. Pre and post marriage days were very different for me. Pre marriage , though duty conscious and responsible to the family, I didn't know a lot of things including cooking. The husband was the best i could get as he took me through the process slowly without complaining, post marriage. Our home in Chennai was the loveliest , not filled with furnitures but just love. Saturday mornings were mostly spent in the kitchen and evenings roaming around T Nagar, beach etc. Chennai is where i got the first gift of love for New Year 2004, a diamond ring and another invaluable one - "Barbie doll" for V Day 2005. I can never forget the Koyambedu for multiple reasons - it was the bus station to and from to Blr during my weekend trips, the vegetable market where we got our things for the week and the beautiful 2 BHK with lots of loving memories. My School friends Rajasree, Sanker have visited me there. Last but least, this is also the place where i contracted Chicken Pox !

Fast forward, we are in Bangalore in our own home (or house still with just walls and pillars) ! This is the third year post the 5 year stint in US. I have a lovely family (as others think) but of late i have started hating everyday of it. My teenage kids don't treat me with love or respect. They question anything and everything i say many of which are simple repetitions like "brush teeth at night, don't hog on too much junk, stop using ipad, go outside cycling, take oil bath, keep the towels and blankets out for sundry"..My smiles vanish when i am in this house. I work like a maid and get treated like a maid too except that atleast for lunch and dinner i share the same table with the rest. Even there, my husband says there is noise due to my Do's and Dont's catalogue. My mindshare is only about them but when we talk, there is only contempt. They spend most of the day in their rooms . The husband is a peace lover and  especially so with the kids. I have never heard him make an effort so they understand that what 90% of my day's chores are for the family. I don't feel any more need for them to have a mother and want to walk out of this arrangement. Be myself . Travel or trek or just simply sit. No worries, no criticisms.

As they say, when you sit idle, there is only complaint . But when you do things, there are several !



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