GUILT

 I don't know when i started having this feeling of guilt but now it is so strong that combined with OCD it just drives me nuts during days. Growing up, i feel guilty if i lied or did something which is a NO from parents but it was a one off feeling. Today it has become an integral part of my emotion, myself.

if we eat out at restaurant or buy bakery stuff or processed food items, then i feel guilty

Thought of making cake or anything sugary ( with sugar and not jaggery) fills me with guilt (by the way we are a sweet loving family and dessert is must after lunch and dinner)

Buying sweets or savories or any processed meat fills me with guilt

if i spend too much money, feeling of guilt kicks in (By the way, I spend money only if really needed and rarely for not so needed items)

if i don't cook enough veggies in a day, i feel guilty.

If i don't spend enough time on official work , then guilt  

If i don't excercise/yoga , then guilt 

Almost at all times during the day, i feel guilty. It has become part of me that i cannot control it. Even for a day, i am unable to let go off these things though i know it is good for me or my brain. It is like how at 80 also, Sree's dad worries about every rupee spent. 

Today, i happened to read an interesting article by Muralee thummarukudy on similar lines. 

http://kathakal.muraleethummarukudy.com/thinnu marikkunna malayali

When Corona virus was spreading, there was lockdown and everyone was forced to be at home. Baking and trying new foods became the main activity of almost all middle class household while the lower class was suffering unable to make both ends meet. Frequent visits to kitchen to hog became the main hobby. Combined with lack of outdoors this was a dangerous sign. I put on 3-4 kg of weight and am sure others in the house did too (I dont know what other numbers would have gone up - Lipid profile ? ). 

After several months of being indoor, we slowly started venturing out for walks/jogs and were alarmed to see the number of swiggy/zomato boys in the community. People were just waiting for their burgers and pizzas , and what not !My 'once in a while' lunch outs fills me with guilt but around me this seems to be an unknown emotion !




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