M or D ?

Just got back after meeting Dr K Parameswaran at Indo American with PET scan and other reports taken at Sakra Hospital, Bangalore over the last few weeks. My mind prayed his words would sound miraculous and say surgery is not needed .Impatiently waiting alone in the patients waiting area. Now i am used to doc visits alone though it is one of the most painful things. My name was called after about an hour's wait and within 3-4 minutes of sharing my reports , doc asked on my face - so surgery rt ? I succumbed to God's choice ! When i got home, in laws wanted to know what had happened. I merely said same thing as the other doctor said and what followed was "so tumor and operation " alle ?  Will insurance cover it ? I was lost for words. I can feel we are rich today and even if insurance wouldn't cover, what i have earned through these years can cover it but the whole point was it was a brain surgery. Blunt and right into my heart. What if this had happened to their daughters !

I have been watching videos by Dr Hansaji for the last few weeks. Stepped on them by chance and found it interesting. They matched with many of my principles and practices. Her videos are also short and crisp, another reason for liking them. One of the recent one was about life. 

What is Life ? It is the journey from B(Birth) to D(Death) through C (choice). She explained that it is a person's choice that makes this journey meaningful and happy. Whether to get angry, irritated, ignore, etc is a person's choice. But in my case, i chose the "right" path till today - what my parents and society taught. Haven't smoked even for fun or drank alcohol even once. Growing up under parent's protection, always an academic topper, strong believer in hard work, helping others in whatever way i can, strong believer in prayer and God's power...I thought i made the right choices in life so far. 

The first blow for my family came in the form of Hari's illness, then achan's alcolism and now my brain illness. What started as some weird feeling and hallucination has ended up in a verdict for surgery. I don't even have a stitch on my body and in the next few months, i will enter the surgery room. 

God -You have shook my base so hard i have no clue how to fix it. So this is back to you - either work a miracle and save me surgery or push me into death. I am not brave to enter the operation theater, let alone take even an injection . Kids and Sree already feeling i am irritated all the time. Sree's family is thinking what fate i have brought for him. Amma is worried as always, achan my iron wall is not alive and Hari is cool as cucumber. So literally i have no one to help or support me. I sure will not live as a burden for anyone. So god, while I wait to get settled in the new company, you work out the options for me. Either stop this non sense feeling from coming, so my medicines stop in an year or two /or call me to where i belong ending this life on earth.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Baby bro turns 18!

'Baby bro' - thats how Sreya has stored your name on her phone ! XX--------------------------------X---------------XX More delicate than your sister, you were always our baby—the one we held a little closer and cared for a little more. You grew up around us, always wanting us to be part of your day, yet exploring your own world—Pokémon, Beyblades, puzzles, legos,books, athletics, soccer, cubing, chess… and so much more. Electronics was a weakness from very young age. In the early years, to gently wean you away from it, we spent hours together at the library—bringing home piles of books, turning reading into a shared joy. Bringing up two bundles of energy was very challenging. I struggled in many ways, but. I was completely invested in you— ensuring your safety , cooking every meal, driving you to classes, listening to your stories between my meetings, catching glimpses of your school activities, and joining you in running, hiking, and everything in between. My words and actions...
Read more

Of colors and retail therapy..

After a 2 (or 3 ? )month break from blogging i am back..a ten day vacation to Jaipur and delhi during pooja holidays,"maid" void days and such had made me extremely busy. Still when i sit back and relax for a while during the busy days, i do think of my little blog space. Jaipur is an enchanting place with large forts, bazaars and streets full of colorful handicrafts,rajai, camels and of course bangles. I became crazy when i saw the streetside choodiwala and became contented only after buying 10 dozens of  bangles, made of cut glass and mud. I wonder how many days they would with me intact still it was my big wish to buy some of those and i did ! I cannot recollect when my love for Gujju and Rajasthani handicrafts began but i know i love them lots.Love the bright colors and the awesome combinations.In the scorching heat, most of the desi Rajasthanis looked a tired lot ,carrying water and making rotis all the time but their ideas and skills are a class apart. The Pink city w...
Read more

Quack quack, when the earth shakes...

We were munching on those chicken legs when my phone rang. It was Merly. She was out of CPP building and called to enquire if we had experienced an earth quake. My belief is that india ,esp bangalore, never had/would have one ! So i smiled away saying i am out of office and having fun with teammates at Barbeque Nation. Parties have been a culture at corporates and off late though we were devoid of company sponsored quaterly project parties, onsite guys were kind enough to sponsor one. It was first time for me in this place, so i was still wondering at the Barbeque arrangement on each table, the corporate crowd and so on. Prawns, chicken and fish lay on the barbeque for us.Another few minutes and my cell rang again. It was another friend from office, to enquire if we experienced an earthquake. I guessed something was serious this time. Called hubby to realise that he too heard the news but hadnt experienced any shakes. After a while, we indulged back into the barbeques.When Stomach was ...
Read more