Promises are HARD to keep but easy to BREAK !

Intimacy is not about sex. It is about trusting ,listening , sharing, caring and assuring you are there for your life partner. 

Sreetta

You often told me we are ONE and I took it by the word. Over the years it changed my life. I believed that you are there for me, with unconditional love and support. It gradually made me dependent on you and took away my independence. I was blind with love and respect for you. But the reality is far from this promise. Neither you or kids were dependent on me for anything except meals, laundry or the household chores. Its a hard reality you guys can live the entire life without me ! But if i want to go on a vacation or file my tax or play baddy or go to locker to get my gold or sleep well at night or even walk in the community , i needed you ! 

From Mar 2020, we are all home. I was happy cooking meals and cleaning up while juggling with work. But slowly , it was just upon me while you could have supported me better. Watsapp and media changed your world and I was stuck old gen. Watching movies at night is your priority, not talking to me or knowing how my head churns with these medicines. Even the 5 sentences i speak to you in a day goes unheard and when i raised my voice, i am called "grumpy".

In 2017, when the shop building was being constructed , you fought with me and broke my trust that we are one.No body had to remind you to discuss the plan or give suggestions or have those long India calls while the work was going.

In 2018 Sep, you beat me with spikes but never felt guilty.

In 2019, during my low days, you didn't even care to stay with me and lift me up. You still don't know what i went through.

During this job hunt, I repeatedly requested your time to read about Cloud, Scrum etc but apart from some advise, you didn't even consider spending an hour for me . And all this while you literally nothing to do the whole day !

Today achan plans to build a house and you have got yet another reason to be on long calls. I am passing through a difficult phase and your priority is supporting him.  Would this plan even come into his mind if his daughter was going through a medical condition like mine ? You support to keep achan's spirits alive..but i am not dead either ..

If he has given birth to you, i have given birth to your children. I am upset with your continous partiality and differential mentality. Amma proudly told me you are not like achan and is a gem but where does she see the REAL you ?

I had no presumptions on marriage. I didn't know anything about you except that you work at HCL, Chennai. Memories of you waiting for me at the Railway station after hectic work day are the best ! I carried those home made lunches to your office on Saturdays with so much happiness and pride. We didn't have washing machine or vaccuum cleaner or dis washer or even a proper cot but still those days were happier than today ! The little surprises you gave me brought me more cheer than the trip or US or my latest offer later. I loved you like crazy !

Have heard your achan say, "avan oru workshopum ittu ivide koodanamennayirunnu njangalde agraham"..You should have probably done that and found your happiness and left me to find mine !

On a serious note, i wish we went back to the "Oneness"theme..Everything was 'ours'...your shoulder my support ,your hands my dreamland, your chest my heater and your words mine...


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